Learning, Loving, and Letting go
By Christina Nichelle
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Not mine, I’m just playing with them.
Distribution: My site - http://christinanichelle.synthasite.com/, Drop me a line if you wish to put it on your site.
Spoilers: None
Feedback: Yes, Please! Should I do a sequel?
Pairing: Willow/Faith
Author’s Notes: My 1st completed fic. Post- Chosen AU, meaning does not follow comicbook canon. “The Grid” is a gay club in Cleveland, my hometown. A huge Shout-out to Dragonwriter17 for taking time out of her busy schedule to beta this for me and also inspiring a change of title. Your help is very much appreciated. Thank you!!!
Summary: Kennedy’s actions make Faith and Willow come to some realization.
Faith walked into the house she shared with Willow and Kennedy, kicking off her snow-covered boots. Being a Boston native, she was no stranger to snow, but there was something especially bone-chilling about Cleveland’s cold. Eight o’clock on a Saturday night, Faith figured she’d have a few hours of alone time before the lovebirds came home. She had decided to let the baby slayers take patrol tonight. Faith just wanted to veg out on the sofa and watch some old sitcoms. Pulling her coat off and tossing it on the coat rack, she was surprised to find Willow perched on the chaise lounge, her face scrunched in deep concentration as she plugged away on her laptop.
“You’re gonna go blind from looking at the thing all the time,” Faith commented as she leaned in the doorway, drinking in the site of the lovely redhead.
Willow visibly jumped at the sound of Faith’s voice, having been so deep in thought that she missed the front door opening. She quickly scanned the slayer over,, looking for any signs of injury. Faith was usually out until all hours of the night. Willow also noted how good Faith looked in her form-fitting long sleeve charcoal shirt and black jeans. Her dark hair flowed wildly over her shoulders.
“Yeah,” the witch shrugged, “I get that a lot from Kennedy. I just had a little research to do.”
Faith walked casually into the living room. “Research? Some big bad need its ass kicked?”
Willow quickly shook her head. “No, this was research of a personal nature.”
Faith watched as a slight frown took over the witch’s features. After all that she and Willow had been through, they had grown to be good friends, especially since the collapse of Sunnydale. Faith really disliked seeing the redhead unhappy. She sat at the end of the lounge, lifting Willow’s feet and placing them in her lap. “Wanna talk about it?”
Willow tried to keep her unshed tears in check as she looked into the slayer’s eyes. The deep brown orbs held a compassion that few people ever got to see from the young woman. She took a steadying breath before speaking. “Kennedy’s cheating on me.” Her voice broke just a bit as she spoke a truth that she had long suspected but hadn’t been able to confirm until tonight.
Faith failed miserably to hide the shock that she felt. “No way, Red! Kennedy wouldn’t do that to you,” she tried to reassure the witch.
Willow sat back with a sigh as she reopened the laptop. “She would and she has,” she said simply. After a few strokes on the keyboard, she turned it around for Faith to see. On the screen was a picture of Kennedy kissing a woman with curly brown hair.
Faith felt the anger of this betrayal rising from her gut and attempted to push it down. “Where’d you get this?” she asked through clenched teeth.
“Andrew,” Willow explained. “He said he’d seen her at The Grid a couple of weeks ago with the same girl, looking really friendly. So when he saw them again tonight, he snapped this picture with his phone and emailed it to me.” She took a deep breath before continuing, trying to keep her emotions under control. “He wanted some kind of proof before he told me, just in case he read the situation wrong.”
The dark slayer’s blood was boiling. She wanted to run out of the house, find Kennedy, and kick the shit out of her, but she knew Willow needed her here. She pulled herself from the silent Wiccan and paced the floor in an attempt to temper the rage that was making its way to the surface. She just could not fathom what would make Kennedy step out on someone as remarkable as Willow. The redhead was the closest thing to perfection that Faith had ever had the pleasure of knowing.
Willow watched as Faith paced back and forth across the living room floor. She could tell that the brunette was visibly angry about Kennedy’s infidelity. ‘She’s more pissed off than I am,’ she observed. Willow had known that her relationship with Kennedy was near an end. The pair just wasn’t clicking the way they had in the beginning. She had actually planned to call an end to things, but she never thought that Kennedy would disrespect her in such a manner.
“Faith, I don’t think that patch of carpet can take much more punishment,” she said, trying calm the slayer down. She slowly swung her legs around so that she was sitting upright on the chaise lounge.
Faith stopped pacing and locked eyes with the redhead. Willow was taken aback by the fierceness that the slayer displayed in her eyes. She had become accustomed to Faith being guarded most of the time, but Willow could tell that the brunette was hiding nothing right now. Anger and protectiveness radiated from her. She had never seen Faith like this. Willow held a hand out to Faith, motioning her to come and sit down.
The slayer, however, merely stared at the witch, her chest rising and falling as if she had just run a marathon. “I just…”
Faith was at a loss, her mind racing. As she stood there and looked into those beautiful green eyes, she could not understand how anyone could hurt this woman. Even when she had been on the wrong side of things, it had hurt her to hurt Willow. She had thought about it while inhabiting Buffy’s body, but she could never really hurt Willow. And Faith wouldn’t allow anyone else to hurt her, either.
She went to Willow and crouched down in front of her so that they were eye to eye. “Tell me what to do,” Faith pleaded, reaching up to push away a strand of red hair, “because my first instinct is to find her and cause massive amounts of bodily damage.”
Willow couldn’t help but smile at this. Not even Buffy had been this passionate about protecting her honor after the whole Oz/Veruca thing. “As tempting an offer as that is, I would never ask you to harm someone for me,” she stated. “At least not for something like this.”
Faith pushed herself up and resumed pacing, speaking while she moved. “Why not? You’re too damn nice, Red. What is she thinking? Why would she ruin what you guys have? She’s fuckin’ retarded.” Faith stopped and turned to Willow. “You are a smart, beautiful, powerful—I mean seriously powerful—Wiccan and hella sexy. What would possess her to give that up? And for what? A piece of ass on the side?” Faith gestured wildly, letting her emotions spill out along with her words.
It took a second for Willow’s mind to catch up with Faith’s rambling because it was frozen on the fact that Faith had just called her beautiful and sexy. No scratch that. “Hella sexy” is what the brunette had said. ‘Since when does Faith think I’m sexy?’ Willow pondered. To be honest, she had always been attracted to Faith, but there was so much history between them and not all of it good. It wasn’t until after the hellmouth implosion that the redhead even thought they could be friends, but after everyone went their separate ways, she and Faith had stuck together and developed a strong friendship. Willow’s brain shot back to Faith’s statement.
“Did you just call me beautiful?” she asked, needing to be sure she hadn’t imagined it. Faith’s head whipped around. When brown eyes met green, Willow saw something she never thought she’d see in Faith. Fear. She lifted herself from her spot on the chaise lounge and walked over to face the slayer.
Faith felt like a deer caught in headlights. She hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but she did mean every word. She thought Willow was amazing and had denied it for too long. There had always been something in the way. The overall badness of high school, then her crazed rampage after the coma, then prison, and finally Kennedy. But all that was behind her now. Now she could be honest with Willow and, most of all, with herself. Standing there, face to face with this stunning woman, she decided that she was done hiding and running.
“Faith?” Willow prompted as she watched the emotions play across the slayer’s face.
“Red, listen, I…” Faith started over. “Willow...” She tried to get the words out but was having trouble forming a proper sentence with the redhead in such close proximity. She took a deep breath. “You are beautiful and smart and sexy. I think you’re an amazing woman, and Kennedy’s a fool to let you go because I never would.” The last part was barely a whisper.
Willow was stunned by Faith’s admission. She might have thought that Faith was yanking her chain if not for the absolute sincerity that was coming off Faith in waves. There were no words, no thoughts as Willow pulled Faith into a searing kiss. Their lips met in an explosive impact. Willow instantly wrapped her arms around Faith’s neck, her fingers tangling in the slayer’s dark mane as Faith grabbed her by the hips and pulled them impossibly close. Their bodies melted into each other as the kiss deepened.
Faith felt like the world was spinning as Willow pressed herself against the slayer’s body. She inhaled the witch’s essence. It filled her lungs and permeated her soul, but she knew she had to put on the brakes before they reached the point of no return. She slowly pulled away from the redhead, caressing her face and kissing her eyelids gently before placing an almost chaste kiss on Willow’s swollen lips.
Looking deeply into the pools of green just inches from her, Faith knew that she could drown in them. She took a short step backwards, but never liberating Willow from her grasp. Willow allowed her hands to loosen their grip on the slayer, dropping them down to lovingly stroke Faith’s muscular arms. Several moments passed as they drew in much needed breaths and quietly took in what had just transpired between them. They began to speak simultaneously.
Faith chuckled lightly, “You first.”
When Willow raised a hand to Faith’s cheek, the brunette turned and sweetly kissed each digit. A moan escaped Willow’s throat, each kiss sending chills down her spine. How had she missed this loving side of Faith?
The slayer gave Willow a sexy smile. “Didn’t you have something to say?” Her eyes held a playful twinkle.
A smile slowly crept across Willow’s face. “Well, I did. Then you started with the kissing of the fingers, and my whole thought bubble went ‘Kabloowee.’ So why don’t you go ahead with what you had to say?”
Faith dropped her head slightly, seriousness taking over her features. She took Willow’s hands in her own as she further distanced herself. Willow felt a small panic start. Faith saw it instantly and kissed the hands she held. “Hey now, no need to panic. Just needed to, I don’t know…check in, I guess.” Smiling, she continued, “And thinking is an issue with you all pressed up against me.”
Willow visibly relaxed at her words. She started to speak, but Faith signaled that she wasn’t done. “Will, let me get this out while I’m still feeling all brave.”
“Okay,” Willow said, looking into beautiful, though serious brown eyes, knowing whatever Faith had to say needed to be said.
‘It’s now or never,’ Faith thought, inhaling deeply. “I want you.” She felt tears begin to gather as she spoke the words that she never thought she’d get to say. “I need you. I love you. I don’t want one night, I want a lifetime. I can’t just be a rebound for you. Once I have you, only God himself could make me leave, unless you wanted me to.” She paused briefly, gathering her thoughts. “I’ve never been for the whole one-on-one, love-of-a-lifetime thing, ya know.”
Willow quietly nodded, not wanting to interrupt. The redhead knew all too well how hard this was for the slayer.
“But, for you…with you, I know it’s possible. So if you can’t handle that or don’t want it, please let me know now. But I would be honored if you would have me.”
Willow had the mother of all rambles going on in her head. Faith loved her. Big, bad, kick ass and take names Faith Lehane love her. Wanted a lifetime with her. Did she want Faith? Absolutely. Part of her initial attraction to Kennedy was the girl’s likeness to the older slayer, but once things had settled down, she knew that she and Kennedy were just too different to last forever. Did she love Faith? Yes, she did. Faith understood her fight against the darkness. They had spent many nights in hotel rooms and driving across different countries, talking about their evil deeds and the fight to stay in the light. Kennedy didn’t get it. She didn’t understand the need to be alone sometimes. Or the need to just be held with no words. Faith did. They had found a platonic, albeit sometimes sensual, comfort in each other many times. Willow remembered one time, in New York, not too long after leaving Sunnydale, when she had tagged along with Faith to drink away the pain. They had kissed that night, but Faith had called a quick stop to it, saying that she had way too much respect for Willow to go there while they were drunk. Willow had just curled up in Faith’s arms and cried herself to sleep. Faith had never spoken of it again, but from that point, their friendship had been solid. Could she be with Faith forever? Looking into the dark slayer’s face and seeing the love and devotion so evident there, she knew she could be and would be.
Faith watched Willow carefully. She knew that the witch was probably in the middle of a major mental run-on sentence. She found herself laughing at the many expressions and emotions that played on Willow’s face. She was scared shitless that the woman wouldn’t want to deal with demons that plagued the slayer, but she couldn’t help the chuckle that managed to slip through, the relief she felt now that her secret was out there.
The laugh brought Willow out of her head. By the time she looked up at Faith, the slayer was full-on laughing. She tilted her head slightly, trying to figure out what was so funny. “Did I miss something?” she asked with a smile.
Seeing that Willow had found her voice, Faith tried to calm her laughter. She ran a hand through her tousled hair. “You’re so cute when you think too much.” Her laughter finally subsided although her eyes still held the smile. “I know I just laid a lot on you. I’m willing to wait for an answer. I’ve waited this long.”
Willow took Faith by the hand and led her to the couch. They sat facing one another, still holding hands. Willow brought the slayer’s hands to her lips, kissing them softly. “Thank you,” she said, the seriousness of the conversation being brought back to the forefront.
“For?”
“For everything,” Willow said with a smile. “For trusting me enough to tell me. I know how hard trust is for you. And for being there for me when I needed you. For understanding me.” Willow again brought Faith’s hand to her mouth, this time kissing her palm. Faith felt a familiar heat rising within her. She groaned slightly, trying to focus on Willow’s words, her eyes heavy with desire. Willow saw the effect she was having on the other woman and felt her own surge of arousal. “And for loving me.”
Faith felt a ‘but’ coming, so she added it herself. “But…”
Willow shook her head. “But nothing. I have to handle this Kennedy thing, of course.” She watched as Faith’s eyes took on a menacing look at the mention of the younger slayer. Willow lightly rubbed Faith’s forehead with her thumbs, attempting to smooth the frown lines that had formed. She knew it relaxed Faith, for she had done it several times before when the slayer had been upset. “What did I say about frowning?” she asked, continuing the gentle massage. “You’re going to wrinkle your beautiful face.”
Faith took several cleansing breaths and relaxed. She still wanted to bring Kennedy some pain for hurting Willow, but she knew the wiccan would have none of it. “I just don’t get why she would do you like that.” Her voice betrayed her calm exterior.
Willow just shrugged her shoulders. “Because she’s young and dumb. Maybe because it’s been some time since we’ve been…intimate,” she tried to reason. “I don’t know and honestly, sweetheart, I don’t care. Kennedy and I have been over for some time. Just putting on a happy face.” Sighing deeply, Willow cupped Faith’s face, bringing the brunette’s eyes up to her own. “But that’s finished. I’m done pretending to be happy now that I’ve found the happiness I’ve been missing.”
Faith and Willow just sat there for a moment, holding hands and looking at each other—really looking and seeing the possibility of a bright future. Faith was the first to speak. “I understand if you want to take things slow...” She ran a nervous hand through her hair. “...but I really want to kiss you.”
Willow felt a blush begin to rise in her face. She was suddenly a shy high schooler again. It had been so long since someone had asked to kiss her. Not since Tara.
*Can you just be kissing me now?* Tara’s voice echoed in her head.
The desire that rolled off Faith enveloped Willow, and all thoughts of taking it slow ceased. “Please,” her voice pleaded.
Faith closed the distance between the two of them, capturing the redhead’s lips with her own. Their tongues danced together as Willow moaned into Faith’s mouth. Never breaking the kiss, Willow pressed her body against Faith’s, needing to feel as much of the slayer as possible. Faith, feeling the wiccan’s need, pulled the smaller woman to her until the redhead was straddling her on the couch. Deepening the kiss, Willow pressed down, grinding her pelvis into Faith’s, groaning at the contact. Faith’s hands slid under the witch’s shirt as she left her mouth to begin an assault on her neck. Pushing up to match Willow’s rhythm, she whimpered into her throat, biting firmly. She looked up into lust-glazed green eyes. “Want you” was all she could say before Willow took her mouth in a soul shattering kiss.
When Willow broke the kiss, she looked at Faith dead in the eyes so that the slayer could see how serious she was when she spoke. “Take me,” she said, her voice dripping with desire. She pulled her shirt off and tossed it to the floor, revealing the most perfect set of perky breasts that Faith had ever seen. Taking one erect nipple into her mouth, Faith slowly and deliberately flicked it with her tongue while massaging the other with her free hand.
Willow shivered with delight as Faith continued her assault on her breasts. She grabbed a handful of the slayer’s hair, still rocking forcefully in her lap, feeling the beginnings of an incredible orgasm building inside her. As Faith switched sides, she adjusted their positions so that she could press her thigh into Willow. The redhead grabbed the back of the couch with one hand, hanging onto Faith with the other. She ground into Faith’s muscular leg, not able to find her voice as a massive orgasm ripped through her. Willow clung to the slayer as she rode out the amazing feeling that was rolling through her entire body. She looked down at Faith, wanting the slayer to see exactly how she had affected her.
Faith took in the amazing sight that was Willow—hair tousled, mouth open, and eyes glazed over. She felt privileged to have this beautiful woman. Leaning up to kiss the redhead, she couldn’t contain her emotions as tears began to form. Faith cradled Willow in her arms as she lifted her off the couch and carried her to the bedroom. Pushing the bedroom door open with her foot, Faith took Willow inside and carefully laid her on the queen-sized bed. Willow watched as the slayer began to remove her own clothing.
“Hey!” Willow’s voice stopped Faith in her tracks. “That’s my job,” she stated seductively. Faith sauntered to the bed as Willow repositioned herself, kneeling on the bed.
The sight of a half-naked Willow on her knees on the slayer’s bed made Faith tremble. “You are so fuckin’ sexy,” she whispered as Willow began to unbuckle her belt.
Getting the belt undone, Willow slowly unbuttoned Faith’s pants, sliding them down over her hips, unveiling a sexy pair of black boy-cut panties. Faith yanked her shirt off and let it fall to the floor. Willow allowed herself to really look at Faith in all her glory. With her well defined ab muscles and toned thighs, the slayer was magnificent. “You are beautiful,” Willow said in awe.
Faith reached back to unhook her bra then tossed it aside. When she looked back at Willow, she saw such love and adoration in her eyes. She wasn’t used to having this type of passion directed at her, and she fought the urge to run from the room.
Willow noticed the change in Faith’s energy. She looked up at the slayer and saw worry etched across her face. “Faith, baby, what’s wrong?”
Faith brushed a lock of hair from Willow’s face, an unsure smile gracing her lips. Sighing deeply, she tried to give voice to her thoughts. “You’re so beautiful, Will. I’m not sure I deserve what you have to offer.” Her voice was barely a whisper now. “I want to make love to you, and I’m not sure how to do that,” Faith admitted, allowing the tears to fall.
Willow felt her heart break for her lover. Thanks to Tara, she’d had the opportunity to learn real love at a fairly young age. She realized that Faith had never had that luxury. While she was experiencing the joys of young love and love making, Faith had been in prison. The dark slayer had never really been loved by anyone in her life. She reached out and wiped a tear from Faith’s face, her own threatening to spill over. She grasped Faith’s hand, giving it a squeeze. “Come and lie down with me.”
Faith climbed into bed with Willow, holding the witch close to her. Willow laid her head on Faith’s chest, listening to her heartbeat, running her hand up and down the dark beauty’s bare stomach. Faith chuckled. “I sure know how to ruin a moment, don’t I?” she said, trying to lighten the mood.
Willow lifted herself up on an elbow so that she could see Faith’s face. “You haven’t ruined anything, my love.” She slowly began to roll Faith nipple between her fingers and was rewarded with a deep moan. “You’ve made it all the more special,” she added, gently cupping the brunette’s breast.
“How’s that?” Faith’s voice shook as Willow licked her nipple.
“Because, silly girl,” Willow said in between licks, “I get to be the first woman you make love to and the first to make love to you.” The redhead nibbled at the nipple before adding, “And I’m one hell of a teacher.”
Faith half-moaned, half-laughed at Willow’s enthusiasm, glad she hadn’t scared the woman away. “I love you, Willow Rosenberg.”
Willow kissed the slayer deeply and thoroughly, gently biting her lover’s lower lip as her hand slid under the band of Faith’s panties. Faith groaned into Willow as the witch’s fingers slipped past the patch of curls covering her mound and into wetness. Faith’s hips raised off the bed as Willow slowly ran her fingers on either side of her clit.
“Oh God, Willow.” Faith’s hips rocked in rhythm with Willow’s strokes. Beads of sweat began to form on her forehead as Willow resumed suckling her breast.
Never stopping her skilled manipulation of Faith’s clit, Willow moved up to nibble on the slayer’s ear. “How about we lose the rest of these clothes?” she said, her voice husky.
“Uh huh.” Faith shuddered with pleasure.
Willow quickly stripped off her pajama bottoms then went about removing the last stitch of fabric that lay between her and the dark slayer.
Slowly climbing up length of the slayer’s body, Willow placed gentle kisses all along the way. She settled between Faith’s strong legs, pressing their sexes together. Willow slowly began rocking against Faith, making sure the slayer was comfortable with what she was doing. “Do you trust me?” asked Willow, her voice shaking with pleasure.
Rocking in pace with Willow, Faith felt herself become lost in the sensations bombarding her. Her past encounters had all occurred in her usual want-take-have fashion. This was altogether different. This was love and passion and trust. She closed her eyes and opened herself up to the pleasure that her love offered.
Wrapping her arms around Willow, Faith gave in to the feeling, completely. “With my life.”
The lovers spent hours wrapped in a heated embrace. Giving and taking. Learning, loving, and letting go.
